Kail Lowry Blog: On Dating and Breakups as a Mom

Mom life is amazing and it's also so exhausting. Opening up to dating and relationships as a mom can be tough but we all deserve to be loved. Today I'm sharing my tips on juggling it all from mom bod stress to me-time.

Let’s face it: dating in this day and age is HARD. Dating as a young, single mom is even more difficult. As a millennial mom I feel constant pressure to be perfect in that role, and dating as a mom can be tough.

With kids' activities, homework, play dates, diaper changes and everything else that comes with being a mom, adding a relationship can be total chaos. Now, after finding that special someone you think everything would be pretty much smooth sailing right? WRONG! Try breaking up while being a young mom of three. I would go through the pain of childbirth ten times rather than the emotional pain of a breakup ever again.

Now, some may think I’m being a bit dramatic (my friends say that happens on occasion) however, if you’ve walked this path I’m sure you’re with me. Why does a breakup hit so.much.harder when you're a mom than it did pre-kids?

1. Your self confidence (or lack of it) takes a hit
I don’t know about you, but my post-baby body looks WAY different than before kids, no matter how much weight I lose. Most mommas (hell, women in general) myself included, struggle with self-confidence issues at one time or another. Going through a breakup, you can’t help but ask yourself, “What's wrong with me?” Your confidence takes a direct hit and can have you feeling pretty shitty about yourself. As a mom, I feel I take it more to heart then I did before I had children. Be kind to yourself during this time, do something to make yourself feel great about YOU again.

2. Use the time and energy you have (if any at all) wisely
There is just not enough time in the day when you have little ones running around. It can be absolutely exhausting at times! I know personally, I can’t wait until bedtime hits so that I can go to bed myself. Going through a breakup as a mom, one of the first thoughts that pops in my head is that I wasted so much time on a relationship that is now gone! Then I think of all of the things I could’ve done with that extra time and energy instead.

Let’s change our thinking! Relationships teach us things, both negative and positive. Embrace the lessons learned and don’t stress about the “wasted” time; it wasn’t wasted entirely. Dating as a single mom is important. You haven’t messed up by spending time getting to know (or in some cases rule out) a guy.

3. “Mom Guilt” is a VERY real thing
I put all of my time and energy into raising my boys, that’s what mom’s do right? So, when you finally begin to date someone and your attention is diverted to making yourself happy IN ADDITION TO raising your kids, you probably feel guilty. I know I struggle with the mom guilt a lot! I feel guilty getting a babysitter so I can grocery shop, let alone go on a date.

When you have been investing your time into a relationship and suddenly it comes to an end, mom guilt can strike hard. You worry that you should’ve been spending more time with your children and making memories with them instead of on this now-failed relationship. Remember that while you are a mom first and foremost, YOU ARE ENTITLED TO BE HAPPY. You can’t be the best mom you can be if you aren’t happy yourself. So go get your nails done or take a nap, your kids will still be there loving you at the end of the day.

5. Trust your gut
Moms worry a lot, so our guards are always up. We want to protect ourselves and our kiddos as much as we can. So when a new person comes into the picture, we question their intentions. Slowly, that guard comes down and we allow them more and more into our daily lives. We TRUST them (most of the time).

When a breakup happens, that trust is rocked to its core and we find ourselves questioning the intentions of almost everyone around us. It’s one of the most unnerving feelings to not know someone’s true intentions. My advice? Trust your gut! If something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not.

At the end of the day, breakups absolutely suck regardless of what stage of life you’re in. I’m a mom of three, and this is where I am in my life now. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and find love whenever you feel you are ready. Even though mom life is crazy-busy, we deserve companionship, too.

I talk love, relationships and so much more on my podcast Coffee Convos with Lindsie Chrisley and Kailyn Lowry -- check us out here.